ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
