He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
