Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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