he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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