He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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