I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
