I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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