i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
