can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I CAN MOONWALK!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Boobs are out for the taking
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
