Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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