she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
