just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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