i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
