and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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