Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
