She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
