2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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