so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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