it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
