You can't motorboat a personality
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
