How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
