what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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