My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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