I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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