hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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