Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
