I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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