He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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