You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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