so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
