When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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