I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
