So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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