I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
