pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
