We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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