I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
