I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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