Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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