my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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