1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
