Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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