I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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