What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
