sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
