my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
