the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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