Jerry, you need to find god
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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