Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
