whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize