hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
