I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize