That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
