Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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