you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize