The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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