So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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