u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
