someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
