You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
