I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
