just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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