I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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