Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
