I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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